she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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