It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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