You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
