If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
