If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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