is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
