Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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