how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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