Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
