how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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