You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
