im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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