I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
