the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
