absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The air taste purple.
Randomize
