i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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