She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
