i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
