Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
