He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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