Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
