PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
there is glitter all over my balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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