His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
