Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
