Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We have started to decorate penises.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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