i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
