I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
