Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
