don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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