I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
