i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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