Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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