If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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