Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
