I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
