oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
