We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
