Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
