Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
