12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
