Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
