i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
