Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
