your room smells of hookers.
And success
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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