the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
