i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
