Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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