MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
