Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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