it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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